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Half Man Half Biscuit - National Shite Day chords

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D  Am  C  F,  D  Am  C  F
[ Tab from: http://www.guitaretab.com/h/half-man-half-biscuit/366194.html ]
D                   Am             C
Pulling the ice axe from my leg, I staggered on
F         D                     Am   C  F
Spindrift stinging my remaining eye
  D                  Am  
I finally managed to reach the station
C                     F                           D          Am C F
Only to find that the bus replacement service had broken down
      D                   Am 
After wondering to myself whether or not it should
C                    F
Actually be called a train replacement service
  D                   Am
I walked out onto the concourse
    C                 F                          D
And noticed the giant screen seemed to have been tampered with
Am            C              F
Probably by a junior employee.
D              Am                   C                       F
Disgruntled commuters were being regaled with some dismal TVM
  D                     Am            C
Involving a tug-of-love custody battle; 
F                 D         Am C F  D Am C F
Stockard Channing held sway.
D                       Am                       C
Down in the High Street somebody careered out of Boots
            F
Without due care or attention
  D                 Am                    C
I suggest that they learn some pedestrian etiquette
F          D                       Am  C           F      D Am C F
I.e. sidle out of the store gingerly - embrace the margin.
D             Am             C             F            D Am C F
Fat kids with sausage rolls, poor sods conducting polls.
          D                       Am                   C      F  D Am C F
There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets.
D                            Am
I try to put everything into perspective,
C                                 F
Set it against the scale of human suffering
D                      Am
And I thought of the Mugabe government
        C                        F
And the children of the Calcutta railways
D                Am                 C                F
This works for a while but then I encounter Primark FM
D          Am        C     F              E
Overhead a rainbow appears - in black and white.
D     Am C              F                D     Am C
Shite Day, I guess this must be National Shite Day
            F                D     Am C
This surely must be National Shite Day
           F                D     Am C F  (Inst D Am C F x8)
Don't tell me it's National Shite Day.
D    Am  C         F     D     Am  C        F   D Am C F
Float,       float on.   Float,       float on
D    Am C F    D     Am C F
Barry          Herpes.
D                   Am
I got a letter from Stringy Bob
C                        F
"Still on suicide watch, screws not happy.
D                   Am                  C
Spotted a Marsh Fritillary during Association
    F               D               Am C F
Was roundly ignored; what news you?"
D                   Am
I felt sorry for him 
                             C                 F
He'd only been locked up for public nuisance offences
D                         Am                   C
One of which saw him beachcombing the Dee Estuary
             F            D             Am
Found a dead wading bird, took it home, parcelled it up
    C                               F
And sent it off to the rubber-faced irritant Phil Cool
D                        Am     C                       F  D Am C F
With a note inside which read: "Is this your Sanderling?"
D                    Am                         C          F
Another time saw him answering an advert in the music press
D                   Am      C      F
"Keyboard player required - Doors, Floyd, etc.
D                Am             C  F                    D   Am C F
Must be committed; no time wasters" - you can guess the rest.
D            Am                            C                     F
I'd always imagined he would simply wander off some day into the hills
D                  Am                 C                    F
To be found months later, his carcass stripped by homeless dogs
    D               Am                       C   F  D Am C F
His exposed skull a perch for the quartering crow
  D                          Am                  C     F
I folded away the letter and put it in my inside pocket
D                 Am                                     C   F  D Am C F
All of a sudden I felt brushed by the wings of something dark
D                 Am               C   F  E
May the Lord have mercy on Stringy Bob.
D     Am C         F                  D     Am  C
Shite Day, I do believe it's National Shite Day
       F                  D     Am C
It all points to National Shite Day
            F                  D     Am C F E
Someone's declared it National Shite Day.
D     Am C         F               D     Am  C
Shite Day, my birthday on National Shite Day
       F                   D     Am C
No bog roll, it's National Shite Day
         F                   D     Am C F   (D Am C F to fade)
Cue drum roll, it's National Shite Day.
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